Last week I went along to Kelsey’s college Christian group, ‘Campus Ambassadors’ and met some really cool people. While there I got chatting to the guy who had spoken about ‘the haze’ that God always seems to keep me in. By ‘the haze’ I mean the lack of IMMEDIATE direction, of knowing exactly what I am doing in the immediate future. With things the way they are for me at the moment I keep trying to work out, in my head, how the next 1-2 years might look for me, but as is usually the case God is keeping his plans for this time close to his chest. The guy I was speaking with said he regularly experienced the same feeling. How about you?
We kept talking about ‘the haze’ and we started to talk about how often we pray that God would remove the haze rather than pray that God would help us to live with, even embrace the haze, because as far as I am concerned it is God himself who has placed the haze. When things are certain it can become very easy to rely on my own abilities and not trust in God’s. Also God knows me better than I know myself. He knows that whenever I KNOW he has communicated something to me, I take that and run about 1000 steps when often times he may have only meant me to run 100 steps. The haze keeps me turning to him and stops me overshooting what he has planned for me.
Another aspect to this idea is when I am making decisions I am so concerned with making decisions that will lead to whatever I feel God has in store for me that sometimes I may miss other options God may well either want me to take or be ok with me taking. The haze helps me to have some freedom. It allows me space to take what God has for me and put my flavouring on it, team work almost.
This trip is really growing the haze. I can barely tell you what I’ll be doing in a month from now, yet alone any longer but this trip is also teaching me to be ok with this. This is important because, being honest, the very best part of my trip so far has been something I did not nor could not have planned, I met Kelsey. Who knows what other fantastic surprises are in store for me? I don’t NEED to plan every minute detail of my life…what I need to do is be more concerned with actually living it, learning to be ok with the haze, living with and embracing the haze.
How about you? Have you ever experienced the haze? Is it still a part of your life or has God moved you to a different stage in the journey? Are you feeling suffocated by the haze, rather than working at how to see it as something freeing? Have you thought about the reasons why God may have placed the haze in your life? My prayer for me, and you, is to become ok with living in the haze.
